Memory Day Weekend

Tuesday morning, seeming like a Monday... we celebrated Labor Day this weekend and I am thrilled to report, I did NO LABOR! Was off and, because the house had been cleaned earlier and in stages ( a method I should try more often!) I could actually say I enjoyed the house! Today, I feel I want to continue on a holiday, but there is definietely dusting to be done and bathrooms to be cleaned today... then, back to work tonight for 3 nights in a row.

Christine went down to South Florida with her fiance (have to get used to that word and that new state she is in!) to celebrate her future mother in law's birthday, which was the weekend before. Marie was house and petsitting for a lady at the bank where she works at, so she would also be gone for the weekend.

Christopher took full advantage of the extra time and quiet and room available, so he finished all his homework in an orderly fashion ( a strategy I hope he makes habit) and brought his Ellen home for the long weekend.

They had created a list of things to do and places to go and I think watching The Office took precedence. He so wanted Ellen to catch up on the series as we had watched it as a family here and roared laughing with it. We couldn't watch a new episode unless the whole family was together. I insisted on getting the series on DVD as to not waste a precious minute waiting for the taped recordings to show up. Curt and I had pulled marathon evenings and weekends watching everything, including all the bloopers, deleted scenes and anything that was on those disks. Now Ellen had to catch up with the rest of us, before the new season started soon.

I worked Friday night so I was requested to bring bagels from Panera's on Saturday morning. A quick stop to Kohl's first yielded a terrific buy on athletic shorts. After Curt and I enjoyed the bagels, and the house remained quiet with sleep still, we took off for a much needed long walk... 6 miles! We tried to find the home where Maggie will be moving into this week but couldn't find the home with the bunch of "1" 's I remembered reading in her text.

Wide awake and invigorated from the walk, I invited Curt to go shopping at Costco with me. Silliness was settling in and I was finding too many things funny, but shopped we did! Curt was going to make his famous (because we said so) Goulash so now an extra stop at Publix was added for V8 juice and other things I didn't need in bulk. Time had come to crash and I could hardly find the energy to get myself ready for bed. Down by almost 1... up by 6. I was ready for the weekend!

I woke up to the yummy, hearty homey smell of his goulash, but did not detect sweet, chocolatey smells mixed in.  We tried to bait Ellen to make Chocolate Chip cookies, but she didn't bite... good for us.
She was busy laughing, watching something, probably Band of Brothers or a Dream Theater recording... and it made me remember the many things we do with our loved one before we marry them, and secretly vowed I would them, some, again. It was sweet to watch!

We broke out the box of old home movies of the kids we had found the weekend before and I secretly made myself a note to somehow go over ALL of them someday, finally putting labels to them. Life moved at such a frantic pace back then, many tapes were found unlabeled, not rewound, never watched again after filming... more life was piled on top of life. Now I was very grateful for time slowing some... or was I making the time? Not sure.

Holding my breath last weekend, when we first opened the box and I wasn't sure if anything would be left worth watching, I saw my life on the big screen projected, full of color and crispness, and my kids were moving fast and laughing and mostly fighting... and I wanted to cry of happiness! They were safe!!

My memories were safe! I had pictured myself in old age, with too much time on my hands and not enough memory to remember it all, now, finally, enjoying life a second time around, taking in every detail, enjoying every funny, reliving the booboos, the singing, the living, the disciplining and learning, all of us learning. And there it was... I should have cried but didn't... it was bigger than that.

I don't know how everyone else saw this, but I was transported to those days in milliseconds flat.
I saw my handsome young husband, playing out the role of awesome daddy to those little ones, I saw myself looking pretty spiffy too, and talking like a mommy that, for the most part, truly enjoyed mommying. I was surprised to see the many fun things we did around the house, the laughing, painting, swimming, dancing, lots of dancing and singing... and I subconsciously forgave myself for thinking I was pretty rough on those kids, or too tired, too cranky, not taking enough time.
 I had to remember I was working full time and lots of overtime back then too, with a house to clean, and lots of laundry to wash, groceries to shop and later cook, and the many memories I needed to make... and there they were... I had recorded this for myself, so I wouldn't continue feeling so badly about the mothering I did or failed to do...

I saw clean kids, at least when in my care! I saw pretty dirty, happy kids who helped daddy in the yard when I was off at work... and I saw a daddy that recorded many moments for mommy to enjoy and not feel left out. I saw magic in Christmas and in birthdays, and a real hard trying to make it all look so perfect and storytaleish... I heard classical music as my daughter balleted, Christmas music as gifts were opened... and that oh so magical, delicate, fantastic moment when Christmas morning wakes them up to discover a world transformed before their very eyes! I was up early to catch it! We were down late to create it the night before. And there it was... my heart caught in my chest. Did they see it the same way I did? Many times I watched Curt's face, his eyes, as the kids jumped on his back, got twirled by him, asked him the many many questions, and I saw that look too. Sweet.

The cruise when we left the kids behind for the first time, courtesy of Heri and Nana, as they went out of their way to make it happen for us, even flying Mami and Edna to Florida to care for the kids. There it was. I thought the kids were much smaller, but Christopher was 6! What was I thinking? I thought they were still babies! I thought I was so selfish for leaving them behind! The laughter and good times on the cruise with David, Raquel and Becky, along with Heri and Nana... precious! They all looked so good! Becky was still in her awkward stage, basketballs meant more to her than dresses... and I got to see life as she viewed it... I had forgotten I had given her the camcorder... and I don't think I ever saw the taping she did... and how she saw it then. The anchor coming up was fascinating to her, and spanning quickly to take the whole scene in made me dizzy. Raquel was looking stunning in her formal attire, her dangling earrings and her elegant updo.. I had forgotten she had the glow of love all over her, and she was missing Scott, and expensively calling him, too! David was very proper, on the quiet side, a college student, and I was not sure how much he was really enjoying all this... later on I was to realize how much it all meant to him, all of us together, and us getting to know this fine young man finally.  Nana and Heri showed up later at the dinner, both looking so young, happy and beautiful!! I couldn't get over how absolutely BEAUTIFUL Nana looked that night! I kept the recorder on her a lot, much to her discomfort, I am sure. Curt was looking so delicious and handsome... and I have no idea how I looked or what I wore, all I heard was my laughter.

I am still deeply grateful for that incredible gift and sacrifice from Heri and Nana... giving us our second honeymoon, and a much needed time away from kids. They could see what we couldn't. And they made it happen!
The Cucaracha Bagel ended that tape and we roared as we watched it again and shared it with Ellen and Christopher... and I couldn't help thinking how cruel the joke was for Nana, and if she ever completely forgave us.

I saw Mami come to life, young and with eyes full of mischief, dodging the camera, as usual. I saw her tackle Christine's very long hair and dye it, tpo please Christine, all of us hoping daddy wouldn't notice it that night. She was making memories.

I saw Dad and Sue laughing so hard as they tried to read my very personal birthday card to Curt out loud... I saw him take his time, ignore the noise and chaos all around him of little ones demanding attention and getting into things, and just live that moment intensely... and I saw Christine's eyes water up as she saw him again on screen, and she left the room.

No cooking, leftover Goulash, many hours sitting watching life rehappen, enjoying the warmth in my heart and the delight in my eyes... what a gift I was given this weekend!

Now the laundry rears its ugly head, the washer decides to act up and not spin, it is back to work tonight and the dust is showing on the furniture. I really need to vacuum and it would be nice to throw something together in the kitchen... but what I saw this weekend was a house that sometimes was full of toys and clutter, sometimes nicely picked up,  a floor that sometimes looked dusty and sometimes sparkled, a kitchen with and without a full sink, bedrooms with toys neatly put away sometimes and explosions in and around and even under beds... I saw life... the good, the bad and not too much ugly... not too much bad either... it was good, it was REALLY GOOD!!

And life is good now, too!  Dishes, dust and all... it is REALLY GOOD!!
May I never find myself so close to life...  as to miss it.